How to destroy a programming language (or natural language?) that you don’t like in one easy step with three difficult sub-steps

by worstideas

The issue:

Sometimes, you don’t like a programming language (like Perl or Python), or a natural language (like English or Spanish).

You might have your reasons, or maybe not—maybe you just want to destroy it completely for no reason at all!

 

Proposal: Here’s a simple way to go about wreaking destruction on the language in question while leaving no one the wiser:

  1. Propose a “new and improved” version of the language. Example: “Perl 6 will be so much better than Perl 5!” Or: “Esperanto: it’s like English, but the spelling is much more regular!”
    1. Make sure it’s very similar at first glance, but annoyingly incompatible in key regards.
    2. Next, make sure there are a few bonus features, but not enough to actually justify the switching cost.
  2. For programming languages, start creating software in this language. For natural languages, start creating novels, newspapers, and works of art in this language.
  3. Make sure there is a HUGE delay in switching; “everyone should learn English 2.0, but it isn’t ready quite yet… so in the meantime, English 1.0 is deprecated.”
  4. Finally, you just have to wait! Instead of switching to the “upgraded” language, people will probably switch to an entirely different one.

 

Great examples in history:

  • Successful destruction: Perl 5 –> Perl 6
  • To be determined: Python 2 –> Python 3
  • Failure: English –> Esperanto

PROS: Lets you surreptitiously destroy the language that has drawn your wrath.

CONS: None!

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