The secret language that they don’t want you to know: Oneglish (“1NGLISH”)—return English to its ancient roots with a new one-syllable version! Save hours every day. Also: how many syllables are in the English language, anyway? Answer: probably at least 972,465, if you believe the assumptions below!

by worstideas

The issue:

English has a large number of words with multiple syllables. We could save so much time if all these words were replaced with unique singlesyllable equivalents!

Proposal:

For example, in the section above, we would change the following words:

  • English -> Eng
  • number -> noim
  • multiple -> mult
  • syllable(s) –> syllb(s)
  • replace(d) -> roup(ed)
  • unique -> neek
  • single -> soing
  • equivalents(s) -> eevt(s)

The final result would be:

  • Eng has a large noim of words with mut syllbs. We could save so much time if all these words were rouped with neek soing-syllb eevts!

See Figure 1 for an illustration of how this would save time. This new language could be referred to as “Eng” or perhaps “one-glish” (or “1NGLISH”), as shown in Figure 2.

one-glish

Figure 1: The phrase “English words with multiple syllables” in normal English in blue (top) and 1NGLISH (or just “Eng”) in yellow (bottom). Note that the 1NGLISH version is approximately 25% faster to say in this totally fabricated figure.

english-one-syllable-logo-3

english-one-syllable-logo-1

Figure 2: Above: a couple of possible logos that resemble ones from a bankrupt Internet company. Effective advertisement and branding is important!

Obstacle #1: Is it feasible for large quantities of people to learn a new language?

Attempts at language reform / constructed languages have failed in the past.

For example, Esperanto (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto) never really took off.

But, there are a couple of successes worth pointing out here:

Obstacle #2: Are there even enough syllables for this to work?

How many possible syllables are there in the English Language?

Answer: a lot.

Depending on who you believe, there are around ~30 distinct vowel sounds and ~60 distinct possible consonants. A list with pronunciations is, as you might expect, available on Wikipedia:

However, a lot of these are almost indistinguishable to an English speaker. I have pared a list down to:

  • 23 vowels
  • 23 consonants
  • (This doesn’t include things like “clicks” and other possible sounds that aren’t used normally in English.)

English apparently supports the following configurations of syllables: (V = Vowel, c = consonant)

Commonly supported configurations of vowels and consonants:

  • V (just a vowel sound and nothing else, like “Aye” or “Oh”)
  • Vc (e.g. “am, it, on“)
  • cV (e.g. “ma, he“)
  • Vcc
  • cVc
  • ccV
  • Vccc (“oinks“)
  • cVcc (“lamp“)
  • ccVc (“plan“)
  • ccV (“spray“)
  • ccVcc (“plank“)

There are also some more-suspect configurations that occasionally work, such as:

  • cVccc (“balks,”)
  • ccVcccc (“glimpsed“)

And things that theoretically could make words, but don’t seem to actually have examples:

  • cccVcccc (“spranksts” <– not a word, but it has a valid pronunciation)

For the sake of argument, we’ll restrict ourselves to the “commonly supported” list above.

If we make the conservative assumption that there are only 15 “valid” vowels / consonants at each position (instead of the full list of 23), we end up with the following number of possibilities for each vowel/consonant configuration:

  • V, 15
  • Vc, 225
  • cV, 225
  • Vcc, 3,375
  • cVc, 3,375
  • ccV, 3,375
  • Vccc, 50,625
  • cVcc, 50,625
  • ccVc, 50,625
  • cccV, 50,625
  • ccVcc, 759,375

Adding these up, we get a total of 972,465 single-syllable utterances that would be recognized as a potentially valid English word.

Since the Oxford English Dictionary only contains < 200,000 words that are in current use (plus another ~50,000 obsolete words), there is more than enough space for every even remotely plausibly useful English word to be replaced by a totally unique single-syllable equivalent.

This will save a TON of time in communication!

Testing: Real-world speed of English vs 1NGLISH:

The testing process is as follows:

  1. A phrase is chosen
  2. The phrase is said TWICE, with a 0.4 second pause between repetitions
  3. The total time of both phrases AND the pause is measured
  4. Example: if a phrase takes exactly 1.0 seconds to say once, then it would have a score of 2.4 seconds here (2.4 = 1.0 + 1.0 + 0.4)

Below are four totally normal sentences, before and after the 1NGLISH-ification process, along with their waveforms.

Example of how 1NGLISH shortens a sentence #1:

ENGLISH: “Observing this brutalist architecture gives me heart palpitations. Please survey the lobby for defibrillators!”

  • 10.35 seconds to say twice

1NGLISH: “Ob this brulj arzsk gives me heart paln. Please saiv the lorb for drenb.”

  • 9.03 seconds to say twice (87% as long)

1 Observing this brutalist architecture gives me heart palpitations. Please survey the lobby for defibrillators.png

Example of how 1NGLISH shortens a sentence #2:

ENGLISH: “Reprehensible scoundrels have absconded with my assortment of petit fours!”

  • 7.09 seconds to say twice

1NGLISH: “Raibl scraid have abdr with my sote of payt fours.”

  • 5.31 seconds to say twice (75% as long)

2 Reprehensible scoundrels have absconded with my assortment of petit fours.png

Example of how 1NGLISH shortens a sentence #3:

ENGLISH: “Librarian, I request the seventh treatise on philology from the bookshelf.”

  • 7.93 seconds to say twice

1NGLISH: “Laib, I rerqt the sev tront on phrend from the bornf.”

  • 6.47 seconds (82% as long)

3 Librarian, I request the seventh treatise on philology from the bookshelf.png

Example of how 1NGLISH shortens a sentence #4:

ENGLISH: “In Parliament, the foreign plenipotentiary negotiates with the defense minister.”

  • 8.01 seconds to say twice

1NGLISH: “In Parlt, the frnai plort nairt with the deif marne.”

  • 5.53 seconds to say twice (69% as long)

4 In Parliament, the foreign plenipotentiary negotiates with the defense minister.png

Conclusions:

For the four sentences tested above, we see a (roughly) 20–30% improvement in speed.

That’s called SCIENCE.

english-one-syllable-logo-2

Figure 3: 1NGLISH will need to demonstrate its superiority in order to convince people to learn it!

PROS: Speeds up your verbal communications—and perhaps also typing speed—by approximately 25%.

CONS: None! It’s the ultimate language. Learn it now!

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