The Worst Ideas. Updates every Monday!

Your weekly source for terrible ideas.

Tag: spitting cobra

Is the origin of the necktie to be found in the Old Norse word “šnæktie,” literally meaning “snake tie”? Technically speaking, it is not possible to disprove this assertion with 100% confidence!

Background:

The necktie is, in modern society, a useless relic of a bygone era. But it could still be redeemed!

Proposal:

While the necktie serves no purpose currently, it occupies valuable clothing real-estate that might be put to better use.

Specifically, a snake could be trained to coil itself around the user in such a fashion as to approximate the shape of a necktie.

Then, this snake could be trained to leap away from the user and chomp on anyone who was assaulting the user; essentially serving as a “concealed carry” guard animal.

This could reduce the number of robberies and other assaults, since criminals would be unable to distinguish between easy marks with garish ties and “concealed snake-tie protected” individuals.

snaketie.png

Fig 1: This attractively patterned spitting cobra would make a fine snake tie.

Conclusion:

While snakes are relatively neglected in the world of animal training, this could be the opportunity for the snake to rehabilitate its poor reputation.

PROS: Could reduce crime and decrease the user’s prejudice against venomous reptiles.

CONS: Snakes may have difficulty distinguishing between random passersby and legitimately threatening individuals.

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One Snake’s “Snakeccination” Plan to Eradicate Polio

The issue:

There are a few diseases that are making a comeback, despite the fact that vaccines exist for them. Polio is an especially dire example.

There are many reasons for this, some of which are:

1) In disease-free areas, these diseases are unknown and thus have no power to terrify.

2) In some remote areas, it is difficult to supply the vaccine.

However, these two issues can be easily solved with the proposal below.

The proposal:

Modify a variety of snake so that it injects a helpful vaccine instead of a deadly neurotoxin.

snake-and-vaccine

These snakes could be airdropped over regions that were experiencing disease epidemics, where they would gracefully glide to the ground and get to work vaccinating the population.

Alternate plan:

The spitting cobra is a promising candidate for modification; it could supply the vaccine by spitting it into the eyes, rather than requiring a painful fang-ing.

PROS: Eradicates diseases. Puts unemployed snakes to work. Generates good will in foreign countries that are appreciative of the “snakeccination” effort.

CONS: None! You should go and lobby for funding for this idea right now.